January 27, 2009
Time to part.
It’s weird that I’ve been ranting for a couple of months now with Loser getting tired of me, cheating on me, getting back with them other girls, et cetera et cetera. I don’t think he ever really did any of those. Instead, the more that our relationship lasted, the more that he realized how much he loves me. Or, the more that I kept saying that he’ll mess up, the more that it never happened. But now that I’m typing this, it’ll probably be happening, or it already is happening. He will have to be the one to prove it.
But now, it’s time to part. I realized that I’ve put him through so much already. I love him too much. I can’t do that anymore. It would break my heart more to see him go away. Or get rid of me soon. I guess I’m just really selfish. Or ungrateful. Or just plan evil. I’m too scared to get hurt that I’m the first one letting go already. It’s such a stupid move. But it’s not a game. Not anymore. And how much pain I have already caused him, how much he has had to sacrifice, and how much he has left behind—I cannot keep doing this to him.
Because every time I am reminded of how much he is putting up with because of me, I think of how much more he would have to put up with when we last longer together. Would I be a more sinister, more shitty girlfriend? Would he get pissed off and leave me depressed?
I think he’s starting to do it already, getting back at me for all the wrong things I’ve done for him. Maybe he’s doing it now. But he’d have to hide it, so it would be more painful once I already know.
And then we’d both think it’s time to part.
-isablahblah-
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